Saturday, December 19, 2009

"I'm not that girl" -- Wicked

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaT7DaqPbxs

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

Thursday, December 17, 2009

nose piercing !



happy : ) except now i cant scratch / blow my nose : (

Sunday, December 13, 2009

10

Don’t give places away like spare change.


There is someone, then there are others –

different yes, but wedged into the perennial gap of

desire; (ful)filling need.


Places are pleasure un-autonomous: you

and only you decide, when. For how long.


Don’t ruin a good thing with sentimentality:

Weaving mythical hybrid of ours and firsts,

stage-set for time defiant narratives;

forcing arbitrary into destiny’s coat.

If this place is you and I, then what happens when it’s just ?


So, I will bring him where I happened to bring you

the night you fell in love; colder

without smoke breaks and

older he is already in.


Ownership lasts as long as the sangria –

you-connotations drained with the fifth jug

months ago. His, after this one.


Places are not lives, they don’t mold themselves

to the shape of people, and there isn’t that shock

of swimming in the cold air of oversize,

or feeling pulled tight at the shoulders; what had seemed a perfect fit.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Things Done Today

1) Watched Glee Episodes 4 - 6
2) Had chinese take out
3) Watched Glee Episodes 7 - 9 (10?)
4) Had 2 cups of coffee and 5 cigarettes
5) Opened take home final document (and read it)
6) Looked up French Toast recipe (it's easy and i'm gonna try it tmr! ^^)
7) Ordered flowers to be delivered on Mum's birthday
8) Ate leftover mash potatoes
9) Wrote this post

HAHA. senioritis (or plain, unadulterated sloth) in full-blown shabbiness

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I haven't been in love for a long time; years.
I miss it, but then I don't, now and then I do.
In the way that one misses things of the past --
a temperamental nostalgia, for the faded and flown.
Childhood and firsts. That bloodless time;
that new adrenaline. There are only so many
categories that can be created to remember boys;
after awhile there are only lists.

This would worry me, except being In Love seems so silly now, like a fairy fallen to regrettable disbelief.
Feels like Growing Up (Continued).
A little quieter, a little colder, a little emptier.

Monday, December 7, 2009

trois

I didn’t feel sad until

There was no time, with rush and
The (a)d(r)e(n)a[d]line of airports.

Fees for overweight baggage (I tried to bring Paris with me)
Or was it you I was carrying? That hurt my shoulders
- flame impact as souvenir ;
The weight of all I leaving behind


we were released from relentless
You didn’t have the ticket to follow
and we looked at each other suddenly, awkwardly
like the end of a first date: what now?
Different continents reflecting off our faces
bodies seas that connect your arm like waters drawing me in an
imprint of an overlap an ambition for territory / an emptiness of lands

lost.


your mouth gave away the secret of a goodbye
(that it doesn’t feel like one until and after
it can only feel like )

un

IX. SPACE AND TIME
Up against another human being one’s own procedures take on definition.

Geryon was amazed at himself. He saw Herakes just about every day now.
The instant of nature
forming between them drained every drop from the walls of his life
leaving behind just ghosts
rustling like an old map. He had nothing to say to anyone. He felt loose and shiny.
He burned in the presence of his mother.
I hardly know you anymore, she said leaning against the doorway of his room.
It had rained suddenly at suppertime,
now sunset was startling drops at the window. Stale peace of old bedtimes
filled the room. Love does not
make me gentle or kind, thought Geryon as he and his mother eyed each other
from opposite shores of the light.
He was filling his pockets with money, keys, film. She tapped a cigarette
on the back of her hand.
I put some clean T-shirts in your top drawer this afternoon, she said.
Her voice drew a circle
around all the years he had spent in this room. Geryon glanced down.
This one is clean, he said,
it's supposed to look this way. The T-shirt was ripped here and there.
GOD LOVES LOLA in red letters.
Glad she can’t see the back, he thought as he shrugged on his jacket and stuck
the camera in the pocket.
What time will you be home? she said. Not too late, he answered.
A pure bold longing to be gone filled him.
So Geryon, what do you like about this guy this Herakles can you tell me?
Can I tell you, thought Geryon.
Thousand things he could not tell flowed over his mind. Herakles knows a lot
about art. We have good discussions.
She was looking not at him but past him as she stored the unlit cigarette in her front shirt pocket.
“How does distance look?” is a simple direct question. It extends from a spaceless
within to the edge
of what can be loved. It depends on light. Light that for you? he said pulling
a book of matches
out of his jeans as he came towards her. No thanks dear. She was turning away.
I really should quit.