out of the wilderness

metaphorically speaking, of course.

i have been a lot less busy the past 2 weeks - started optional modules on perfume and cosmetics, which after 2 weeks of technical, commercial and economical classes on the universe of perfume culminated in creating my very own perfume ! which, to quote gaétan, is "interesting but clearly made by an amateur". it also resulted in me stinking of perfume (we had had a factory visit the same day, sniffed perfumes constructed by a synthesis of molecules, and were surrounded by 34 different fragrances during the perfume making session), and rolling around in bed feeling nauseous for hours haunted by wafts of different perfumes.

things are going to pick up possibly more than ever before (i'm pretty sure i'm behind already...) the mémoire (equivalent of a thesis in the US), 4 exams and 1 huge group project for L'oréal has to be worked on in the next... hm, 2 ? weeks. i should be stressed but i'm feeling strangely tranquil. or tranquilized. the calm before the storm, etc. i woke up at 2.30 this afternoon and napped 4 hours later...

it has been quite an awful week. but at the end of it, what i'm left with, is a sense of wonder that i can look at someone and be this moved by the beauty of his being. gentleness, harshness. curves and sharp edges. intransigence, forgiveness. the magic in banality. i seem to be making a list, but "everything", is what i really want to say. because that's what it is when you love somebody, the reasons aren't bullet pointed, there aren't any arguments. you might know why you were so inclined, but after a certain time it encompasses and then surpasses all. the feeling just surges like a wave, sometimes hard enough to knock the breath out of you overwhelmed. also, overwhelmed by the way things turned out. if i calculated the statistical probability of the events that led up to all this... it'd be a lot closer to 0 than 1. when i start thinking about it i get lost in that curious retrospective fascination. do you know what i mean? when your universe overlaps so fiercely with another's, that sometimes the edges of you and the other (almost you, or you almost he) blur, i assume it like a path trodden all my life. but thinking about how 8 months ago we were a big question mark, 10 months ago almost strangers? and even a year +++ ago, reflecting on our relationship, it seems like an alternate reality, a semblance of him or us that never reached beyond a certain stage. a blueprint unrealized, a sketch, an idea, a ghost, a shell. it's that profound change that fascinates - how one person can change everything, the air one breathes, the way one breathes. that's probably the most apt metaphor i can think of - it's almost unnoticeable, but crucial, fundamental. that discreet, grinning gap between before and after. the little things - what i buy when im at the supermarket, the brewing of tea for two, the smell of the apartment. hints and traces of a shift in existence; the metamorphosis of a world, a soul.

aaaanyway. enough mushy ruminations. tomorrow will be the unwilling revival of the spirit of diligence in hibernation. lotus-ing to the max : )